Lovin` Life: A Collection of Humor Columns, Lane Mac

For the past 18 years, Mac Lane has chronicled humorous slices of fatherhood and marriage as well local and family life. First published in The High Point Enterprise, and later in the Greensboro News & Record, (both North Carolina newspapers) Lanes pieces are sometimes silly and often thoughtful, but never boring.

Lovin Life is a collection of his most beloved columns.

He lives in High Point, NC, works in the Home Furnishings Industry and was educated at Appalachian State and the McCallie School for Boys in Chattanooga, TN.

Below is a sample:

Im the Man of Her Dreams

My wife woke up furious with me.

Instead of the usual kiss, I got a furrowed brow and a toxic glare before she marched off into the bathroom.

Oh boy, I thought. What have I done now?

I have a powerful ability, perfected by 12 years of marriage, to hack my wife off...beyond belief.

My power is so awesome at times, I can have her Bobby-Knight-on-a-losing-streak mad without seemingly any effort at all.

Think Mac.

My mind was quickly cataloging our conversion from the previous night. My mental rolodex spinning, trying to recall any remark that may have come out the wrong way, or that could have been potentially misunderstood, that would cause her to act like this. When Im in the doghouse, I usually know why, but this morning was different.

Stumped, I peeked into the bathroom where Angry Wife brushed her teeth with a venomous expression.

Good morning Merry Sunshine, I said with a big toothy grin that I hoped conveyed -Im not at all mad at you but I can see that you are mighty put out with me.

Why are you so mad? I ventured.

Last night, I needed your help and you wouldnt help me, she said.

Was one of the kids throwing up? I asked, knowing that Ive slept through such episodes before. Not to say Im a heavy sleeper, but once a car crashed into a tree in the front yard, the police came -light, sirens, and all. I didnt stir.

No, she said.

Were you up during the night? I asked, still clueless.

No, in my dream, she explained. I was being chased off a cliff....I was hanging there. I was scared and needed you. I called to you for help, and you said -in your ugliest tone of voice- that wouldnt help me. Then you walked away, just when I needed you most.

Wait a minute. You woke up mad at me because of something you dreamed? I asked.

You wouldnt help me. You were mean and ugly.

Oh. I said dumbstruck. Let me get this straight, you are not mad at me because of anything I actually did. You are mad at me because of something I did in your dream?

Honestly, I didnt know whether to feel relieved or not, nor did I know how to respond. On the one hand, I could have chosen to stand my ground. I had a pretty good case. I was sure I could convincingly argue that while she had every right to be furious at me in dream-world, I didnt actually do anything wrong -I mean in awake-world- so you cant carry a grudge over from one world to the other. Right?

Or I could just apologize. It was obvious she was upset and needed reassurance that I wasnt the bad guy of her nightmare.

Im sorry, I said, feeling like a tremendous weenie for apologizing for something she dreamed I did. But, what the heck, isnt that what being married is all about?

She apologized too and gave me a hug.

In bed the next night, I gave her a little pat as she started to doze off.

I love you, she said.

I love you too, I said as I looked at her.