I must finally have gone over the edge to totally batshit crazy. There could be no other explanation. No other explanation for why the cannibal warlock Hamatsa's procurer of bodies, the svelte seductress Kinqalatlala, stood before me with her razor-sharp hand stabbed through my chest while her tongue pushed into my mouth. No other explanation for why I stood frozen in shock while blood streamed down my legs. My blood. No other explanation for why my girlfriend Jean lay unmoving and unconscious on the pavement. No other explanation for why a tall naked muscular Amazonian goddess with glowing crystalline blue skin and only one eye and one breast let out a screech that threatened to burst my head.
Well, wait. There could be one other explanation. I could be dead. I couldn't discount the possibility that I might be a new resident in the spirit world. Crazy or dead. This day was not going well.
I used to be a normal person, until I met a parrot. Not any parrot. Normal people don't argue with parrots about coffee drinks. Even normal parrot people don't argue with their parrots about coffee drinks. But Princess Tara isn't a normal parrot. I stopped being a normal person the fateful day I walked into Charlie's Bird Store below Seattle's Pike Place Market and walked out with a gigantic beautiful blue hyacinth macaw parrot with a four foot wingspan.
Sure, she looks normal. Normal as any gigantic gorgeous brilliantly cobalt blue-feathered hyacinth macaw parrot might look. Completely blue from the tip of her lengthy tail to the crown of her enormous head. Completely blue except for that huge black beak and those inscrutable coal black eyes set on either side of her face. Coal black orbs set in rings of stunning bare yellow skin.
Although parrot people are thought to be crazy, I didn't stop being a normal person because I got a parrot. I stopped being a normal person because I got a parrot who just happens to be a princess. And a witch. A witch with a coffee addiction. A witch named Princess Tara.
My earliest memory ever is the first time I successfully walked. Me and my mom. Well, of course, my mom already knew how to walk. But not me. Me and my mom. We were in the kitchen of our first family home. Dad must have been at work. I can't even remember how old I was. Couldn't have been too old. I stood up by myself, leaning against a kitchen counter. My mom walked to the other side of the small kitchen, big to a little tot like me who had never successfully figured out this walking trick before. She wordlessly motioned for me to come to her. I remember feeling scared to death to try, fearing I would plop face down on the yellow linoleum floor if I dared, never to get up.
I desperately wanted my mom to come to me, but my mom kept motioning me to come to her. I finally relented and pushed off against the kitchen counter. One step. Then two. A third. A fourth and fifth. Thinking back on this adventure all these years later I can recall we had a small kitchen. Not too many steps required. I fell into my mother's arms, upright, triumphant. Spent.
That's life. Challenges and conquests. Falling flat on your face on the linoleum, picking yourself up, and trying again. They say death and taxes are the only things you can count on in life. I say bull. Taxes are for suckers. Just ask any politician. And death is a con game dreamed up by holy rollers, preachers and grifters. I have learned that death is just another challenge to overcome. Challenge itself is the only thing you can count on in life. No matter how many challenges you face and conquer, there will always be another challenge knocking you face down on the linoleum. Comes the true challenge when you grow up and become an adult. The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. No, not the ones you think. Love. Desire. Ambition. Faith. These are the greatest challenges of all. Overcoming these challenges is what makes life such a bitch. Love. Desire. Ambition. Faith. Without them, life is so simple, believe me.
Описание: Couple of Seattle history professors fall in with a coven of witches comprised of a pandemonium of parrots and one black cat. The coven`s leader, a blue-feathered hyacinth macaw parrot named Princess Tara, enlists their help to search for the magic of the tlogwe to stop a goddess of death. But how do you stop a witch who controls death and time?
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